Hillbillies 'n Hunters

[krownz]

Title: Diary Of A Deer Hunter


1:00 AM: Alarm clock rings.

2:00 AM: Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed.

2:30 AM: Throw everything except kitchen sink into pickup.

3:00 AM: Leave for deep woods.

3:15 AM: Drive back home to pick up gun.

3:30 AM: Drive like crazy to get to the woods before daylight.

4:00 AM: Set up camp. Forgot the stupid tent.

4:30 AM: Head for the woods.

6:05 AM: See eight deer.

6:06 AM: Take aim and squeeze trigger.

6:07 AM: CLICK.

6:08 AM: Load gun while watching deer go over hill.

8:00 AM: Head back to camp.

9:00 AM: Still looking for camp.

10:00 AM: Realize that you don't know where camp is.

NOON : Fire gun for help---eat wild berries.

2:15 PM: Run out of bullets---eight deer come back.

2:20 PM: Strange feeling in stomach.

2:30 PM: Realize that you ate poison berries.

2:45 PM: Rescued.

2:55 PM: Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped, throw up instead.

3:15 PM: Arrive back at camp.

3:30 PM: Leave camp to kill deer.

4:00 PM: Return to camp for bullets.

4:01 PM: Load gun---leave camp again.

5:00 PM: Empty gun on bug that is bugging you.

6:00 PM: Arrive at camp -- see deer grazing.

6:01 PM: Load gun.

6:02 PM: Fire gun.

6:03 PM: One dead pickup.

6:05 PM: Hunting partners arrive in camp dragging deer.

6:06 PM: Repress desire to shoot hunting partners.

6:07 PM: Fall into fire.

6:10 PM: Change clothing, throw burned ones in fire.

6:15 PM: Take pickup, leave hunting partners and deer in camp.

6:25 PM: Pickup boils over due to hole shot in block.

6:26 PM: Start walking.

6:30 PM: Stumble and fall, drop gun in mud.

6:35 PM: Meet bear.

6:36 PM: Take aim.

6:37 PM: Fire gun, blow up barrel that's plugged with mud.

6:38 PM: Mess pants.

6:39 PM: Climb tree.

11:00 PM: Bear leaves. Wrap gun around tree.

Midnight: Home at last. Fall on knees thanking Maker.

Next day: Watch football game on TV, slowly tearing up hunting license into small pieces, place in envelope, and mail to Game Warden.[/color]

[krownz]

Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the moose love call. Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, "Okay, let's get out and get him." After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do?" The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself."[/color]

[krownz]

Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too.

"Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something ... but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground."

After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.

A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"

"Yeah, but we're getting farther from the truck," the other added.[/color]

[krownz]

A hillbilly kid marries his childhood sweetheart, (literally, if you know what I mean). Their honeymoon was to take place in a hunting lodge located in a special area, which is only accessible by train. They get to the station where they wait for 4 hours. All of the waiting passengers are getting a little miffed.
The bride realizes that she needs to go to the little girls room, and upon returning, she's crying hysterically. Her husband asks her what was up.
After a lot of effort, she says, "As I was waiting in line to use the bathroom, I overheard a couple of hunters say that if the train doesn't get here soon, the f****n season will be over.[/color]

[krownz]

Simon and Clem are out duck hunting. At the first grey hint of dawn, they were out in the blind. Watching through the wind-driven mists of the morning, they hunted. The noon came and went, and still they hunted. It started to wear on toward the early hours of the evening and they still had not killed one duck. Finally, Simon says to Clem, "Maybe we'd do better if we threw the dog up higher."[/color]

[ÑèøMâñ5]

Three hunters went out hunting one day at different times.
the first hunter came back with a deer, and the other two asked" how'd u find that dear?"
he replied "saw tracks, followed tracks, shot, and got my deer."
so the second huner goes out and comse back with a deer. the last guy asked him" how'd u find that dear?"
he replied "saw tracks, followed tracks, shot, and got my deer."
So teh last guy goes out and comes back badly hurt. the 2 hunters asked him " what happened to you?"
He said " saw tracks, followed tracks, shot, missed, got hit by train"

[fluffy3AD]

pfffffff

[DirtyHarry]

LMFACKINGAOOOO! ;D

[krownz]

fluffy3AD said:

pfffffff

[shadow=Teal,left,500]pfffffff[/shadow][/color]

[ÑèøMâñ5]

pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

[krownz]

[shadow=teal,left,9999999999]PFFFFFFFFFFFFFF[/color][/size][/b][/shadow]

[DirtyHarry]

pffffff......?...what should that mean?..... .....LOL! ;D

[krownz]

It means:

Shut Up or Die!!!

lol ;D[/color]

[ÑèøMâñ5]

lol

[DirtyHarry]

Pffff......you tried that with me a couple of times in the PIT and didn't worked out Eagle boy! ...LMAO ;D