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Post by ÑèøMâñ5 on Mar 29, 2005 14:30:50 GMT -5
Auctioner: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.
Auctioner: She had nine STDs.
Quagmire: Forty-five bucks.
Auctioner: And when we caught her she wet herself.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.
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Post by ÑèøMâñ5 on Mar 29, 2005 14:31:12 GMT -5
Peter: Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually.
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Post by ÑèøMâñ5 on Mar 29, 2005 14:31:24 GMT -5
Chris: Dad, what's the blow-hole for?
Peter: I'll tell you what it's not for, son. And when I do, you'll understand why I can never go back to Sea World.
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Post by ÑèøMâñ5 on Mar 29, 2005 14:34:34 GMT -5
Peter: Well, I'm gettin' something really special too. And by special I don't mean special like that Kleinaman boy down the street. More special like... like Special K, the cereal. Hey, what do they do with the regular K? And for that matter, what ever happend to K. Ballard? You know, if you said mallard and you had a cold, it would sound like ballard.
Brian: Do you listen to yourself when you talk?
Peter: I drift in and out.
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Post by ÑèøMâñ5 on Mar 29, 2005 14:35:25 GMT -5
Olivia: You are the weakest link, goodbye. (laughter)
Stewie: Ha ha ha! Oh gosh that's funny! That's really funny! Do you write your own material? Do you? Because that is so fresh. You are the weakest link goodbye. You know, I've, I've never heard anyone make that joke before. Hmm. You're the first. I've never heard anyone reference, reference that outside the program before. Because that's what she says on the show right? Isn't it? You are the weakest link goodbye. And, and yet you've taken that and used it out of context to insult me in this everyday situation. God what a clever, smart girl you must be, to come up with a joke like that all by yourself. That's so fresh too. Any, any Titanic jokes you want to throw at me too as long as we're hitting these phenomena at the height of their popularity. God you're so funny!
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Post by ÑèøMâñ5 on Mar 29, 2005 14:36:13 GMT -5
Lois: Come on Stewie, you know you can't leave the table until you finish your vegetables.
Stewie: Well, then I shall sit here until one of us expires, and you've got a good forty years on me, woman.
Lois: Sweetie, it's broccoli, it's good for you. Now open up for the airplane ...
Stewie: Never! d**n the broccoli, d**n you, and d**n the Wright brothers.
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Post by ÑèøMâñ5 on Mar 29, 2005 14:36:56 GMT -5
Peter: Ok, here's another riddle. A woman has two children. A homicidal murderer tells her she can only keep one. Which one does she let him kill?
Brian: That's... that's not a riddle. That's ... that's just terrible.
Peter: Wrong, the ugly one!
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Post by ÑèøMâñ5 on Mar 29, 2005 14:38:39 GMT -5
Peter: Have they ever shown him doing somebody in and then feeding on him?
Brian: You're asking if they've ever done a Sesame Street in which the Count kills somebody and then sucks their blood for sustenance.
Peter: Yeah.
Brian: No, they've never done that.
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Post by ÑèøMâñ5 on Mar 29, 2005 14:40:05 GMT -5
Peter: And Joe, I've had new neighbors before, but none of them were half the man you are. Since you're half a man already, that splits them into some kind of fraction I can't even measure.
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Post by ÑèøMâñ5 on Mar 29, 2005 14:40:36 GMT -5
Lois: Peter, what did you promise me?
Peter: That I wouldn't drink at the stag party.
Lois: And what did you do?
Peter: Drank at the stag pa-- ... Whoa. I almost walked into that one.
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Post by ÑèøMâñ5 on Mar 29, 2005 14:43:15 GMT -5
Peter: The deep south? Isn't that the place where the black guys are really lazy and all the white guys are just as lazy but they're mad at the black guys for being so lazy?
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Post by ÑèøMâñ5 on Mar 29, 2005 14:46:12 GMT -5
Peter: I had such a crush on her. Until I met you Lois. You're my silver medal.
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Post by *GøldènHáwk* on Mar 29, 2005 14:50:16 GMT -5
OML!!
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Post by ÑèøMâñ5 on Mar 30, 2005 15:33:03 GMT -5
ty
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Post by krownz on Mar 30, 2005 19:16:17 GMT -5
HA x 3  |
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